31 May 2010

Today's word is...?

Want to see YOUR My First Dictionary-style caption here? Want it to be turned into a song? Want a copy of that song on a limited-edition My First Sing-Along Dictionary CD with a lovely accompanying booklet?!

Well, you don’t want much, do you? But the good news is that all of these thrilling fantasies – and I know you dream about them nightly – can now become unequivocal realities, thanks to the My First Dictionary/Very Us Artists Collaborative Caption Competition Extravaganza Meltdown 2010! (Note to self: think of better title.)

Yes, you could be sitting there (or standing – it’s really up to you) listening to a song based on your very own MFD caption with your very own ears. Not only that, but it would appear as a bonus track on a CD containing all the Singalong songs thus far. All you have to do is come up with an amusing definition to accompany the above picture. Make it funny, make it mean, but above all, make it fit the MFD style, which means that, while you can pick any word you want, you do have to define it within your caption. (Take a look through past posts to get the feel if you’re not familiar.)

Get your entries in by 14 June (11pm BST) and one or more of the assorted Very Us Artists geniuses will write and record a song incorporating your definition, much in the same way as the last ten words have been set to marvellous musical accompaniment here at MFD. In fact, in exactly the same way. And, if you don’t believe me, have a listen.

I really couldn’t be more excited to see what you come up with and, thanks to the expressive tone of my writing, I know you didn’t just mistake my genuine enthusiasm for sarcasm there. Which it was... Honestly! (Oh dear, that seems to be making it worse.) In any case, there’s three ways to enter:

The old-fashioned way: Submit your idea in the Comments bit below.

The new-fangled way: Visit the Facebook page and leave your caption there.

The super-techno-fantastical-excitement way: Post the caption in your “Facebook status” along with a “link” to this post and a @My First Dictionary “tag”, thereby proving to your friends, family and own fragile ego how “with it” you are.

(I know which method I’d use, and it rhymes with “the pooper-hetero-testicle-excrement-gay” – although that’s hopefully a coincidence.)

The winning caption will be chosen using a special algorithm dreamt up by me and select members of the Very Us Artists whilst on the toilet, and posted here on or around 15 June, with the new song appearing a week or so later. Until then... enter! Enter twice! Email a friend and tell them to enter! Tweet and re-tweet, and then re-tweet that re-tweet until Twitter goes over capacity! Google Wave it, and then explain to me how Google Wave works! And then maybe have a lie down.

Here’s a preview of what the fabulous CD and booklet prize will look like:

And here’s how you would feel if you won it:

And if that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is.


Unknown said...


Freddy is helping the lady.

She needs help ending her pain.

Rob said...

This is basket is an appropriate size to carry George's head.

Anonymous said...

The cat is black.
Aunt Emma says the market is black too.

Unknown said...

Personal Hygiene.

The kitties smell food, but Aunt Maud has not been to the fishmonger's today.

Aunt Maud has questionable personal hygiene.

irve said...


Catlady is an old woman who hoards cats.
The cats will eat anything.

Mr Chalk said...


The shop should have let Granny return the hat after the wedding.

Peter will hold the basket of eggs whilst Granny enjoys her revenge.

Daemon said...


They call Miss Jones a cougar.
She can't imagine why.

Will Knott said...

Jim is carrying Mrs. Jones basket.
The cats are attracted to carrion.
Mr. Jones' rotting corpse is in the sewer.
Soon Jim will be carrying the blame.

Unknown said...


Mrs. Agnew plans to push the
boy scout over Mr. Tiddles into traffic.
She has trained Mr. Tiddles to help her to do this.
He is her accomplace.
Mrs. Agnew does not like being called Cat Lady.

Unknown said...


Tom asked Mrs. Jones where she bought those shrimps that smell so good, because the fish shop is closed this week.

Next week, cats and scouts will stop harrasing Mrs. Jones.

Kelly said...

The cats are following Mr. Jones becuase they find the scent of dead hookers appealing.
Mr. Jones wonders if the cats will find the scent of Mrs. Smith appealing.

Greg Monfils said...


That young man dressed as a Boy Scout will help himself to some of the old lady's baked goods.

Unknown said...


Since learning to use internet dating, Granny has met lots of new boyfriends. But sometimes, just for fun, she uses the old ways.

Unknown said...


The tender young boy has offered
to carry the basket all the way home.
With the cats' help,
Edgar's disguise is working perfectly.
Soon they will feast on the evidence.

dadoctah said...


Brian has found that the best way to get rid of unwanted kittens is to package them as groceries.

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...


The Boy Scouts are selling Girl Scout cookies today.

They are made with real Girl Scouts.

Dr. Phil

Roy said...


Granny is purchasing herbal goods. She is about to purchase some marijuana. They're the only things that taste so good in Granny's old fashioned brownies.

jw said...


Dave sells cookies to the lady. He needs to sell 14 more packs to pay for his medicine today.

redwolf said...


Billy enjoyed sharing the fruits of his labour.

It would be the last time the girl guides tried to poach on his territory and Mrs Smith did enjoy a good fresh cut of liver.

Sebastian Black said...

The man is dressed like an
old woman. The man can get
boys to follow him home
that way.

The boy is stealing the lady's
basket. Offering to help is a
good way to steal.

Poisoning groceries is
smart. That is a smart way
to kill old women.

hopefulholmium said...


The old lady has a wish to push the boy in the sewer.

His cat too.

Fetus Flusher said...


Mrs. Fingleton needs medicine. She makes a deal with her nephew.

bee said...


Scooter's catering company makes the best appetizers.
His paté is the talk of the town.
Scooter puts the cat in catering


FrequentFlyerMiles said...


Joey is making a deal.

Joey is making sure he gets the money for the stuff.

C.A. Bridges said...


To pick from a several options.

Miss Daly must choose the best things. She wants to make the best choice.

She does not want to get burned again.

Shayne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shayne said...


Mrs. Jones doesn't TRUST the man in the yellow hat.

She doesn't TRUST that it really isn't monkey meat.

Antonio said...


Jimmy helps Miss Elvira carry her groceries
So that she won't have a stroke
When they get home Miss Elvira will let Jimmy stroke her pussy cat

John said...


Bobby is helping himself to Mrs. Schmidt's prescription pain medication.

Unknown said...

Rent v,n

Mrs.Stevens finds the RENT boy very attractive. She will RENT the boy by the hour.

Jess Black said...

Offer, offering

Kyle is offering the poisoned cookies to Mrs. Greydon. He is making them available to her.

Mike said...


Grandma suffers from arthritis.

Grandma needs to wear gloves to cover her disfigured hands.

Christopher Stansfield said...


Mrs. Houlihan likes Tommy's basket. She appreciates the way Tommy's shorts hug his crotch. Mr. Houlihan does not satisfy her anymore.

Andy Hollandbeck said...


Philip is excited. His heart beats faster when the lady finds the hole in the bottom of the basket.

coulrophobic agnostic said...


Mrs. Smith is CHOOSING a brick of blow from Jimmy's basket.

She is carefully deciding which one she wants.

patricio said...


Sam forgot the cat.
Sam left the cat to wander. Now what will we have for dinner?

artywah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
artywah said...

Today's word is Toy-boy

For her 70th birthday, Geraldine treated herself to a toy-boy. Now she has someone to carry the groceries from the store and play with her pussy when they are at home.

gizzalove said...

Tommy is wearing a disguise. It makes robbing Mrs. Jenkins much easier.

montag said...


Tom appears to be helping the little old lady.
However, he will leave her on the wrong side of street and eat all her freshly baked muffins.

Tonya said...


To have a similar end.

Pat and the cat rhyme.
Soon they'll both be flat.

(Contrary to his plans, so will Matt.)

Ais! said...


Granny's habit is overt.

It's in plain sight for all to see.

Anonymous said...


Because of her medicinal marijuana, Mrs. Jones is always hungry. She is hungry for the scout's cookies, and she is hungry to have the scout inside of her.

Tonya said...

Service, services

The boy scout is providing a valuable service by helping Granny cross the street. Later, he anticipates providing additional services.

Unknown said...


Bernice is a loyal customer. She always buys from the homeboys wearing yellow.

JCB said...


Johnny likes to help.
He knows what twelve hungry boys-scouts can do.

Unknown said...

Johnny wants to give someone a SURPRISE. He has cut a hole in his basket and has slipped something inside. "Hey Grandma, want to take a look at my sausage?"

Alex said...


James is comfortable with the old lady's suggestion.

She cannot possibly be the killer.

Some Guy said...


In exchange for his help carrying the groceries, grandma will let Billy try anal tonight.

Mindie said...

Grandma purchased some ingredients for her brownies. She bought a tasty way to alleviate her of her glaucoma.

Badger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Badger said...


Margaret can afford to pay for cat food. She has enough money.

Billy cannot afford the baby.

Unknown said...


Billy is selling Exlax disguised as chocolate.
Grandma Gertrude is about to be punked.

T J said...

Arturo is peddling his wares. He is selling more than just baked goods.The boy scout uniform wil set Mrs. Nussbaum back an extra $50

Mr Chalk said...


Mrs Rout always meant to read 'Scouting For Boys'. Lord Baden-Powell was one of her heroes and she is proud to follow his example.

She may have misinterpreted his intentions.

swishyhair said...

Carry, Carrying

To transport or contain

Charlie helps Aunt Agatha to carry her groceries home. Soon she will be carrying Charlie's baby. Unfortunately, Charlie is also carrying syphilis.

Tonya said...


To exact a toll from someone who caused harm to oneself.

The boy scout plans to get revenge on his troop leader for what he did. He hopes the troop leader's aging mother won't notice him substituting rat poison for Mr. Smith's tea.

Richard said...


The boy scout and the old lady are anonymous. We do not know their names. We will find out what they are on tonight's news.

Pat said...

Patrick only gives his cookies to lonely old ladies.
He is very selective about who gets his cyanide flavored treats.

Walter Mackey said...


Grandma can purchase drugs for a good price.
She can purchase cocaine for a few dollars.

qh said...


Benny is Mrs. Perkins' pharmacist. Benny sells Mrs. Perkins the medicine she needs to relax.

Anonymous said...


Johnny wears a uniform.
His uniform helps him catch his victims off guard.

Anonymous said...


Billy is distracting the old woman.

Billy is drawing her attention so her purse can be stolen.

N James said...


Tom is assisting the old lady.
He is helping her find peace with his poisoned cookies.

gabbkiss said...


Nana is examining the vendor's goods. She remembers her days as a vendor when people would examine her goods.

gabbkiss said...

basket - Norma is examining the basket. She needs the basket to carry her baby downriver.

Marlon said...

Treat. Gavin is offering Grandma a treat. The treat is an unexpected surprise for Grandma. She will not have trouble sleeping tonight; or ever again.

swishyhair said...


A towel soaks up liquid and can be used for drying or holding fluids.

Aunt Agatha has put a used towel in Charlie's basket. It is the one with blood on it.

Anonymous said...


Gavin is carrying Wilma's snacks home from the market.

Gavin will then make a nice snack for Wilma's cats.

Vicman said...


Grandma went shopping. She bought what she needs for the week. But the store was all out of explosives.

Zeuss said...


Grandma needs some skin cream for Grandpa. Grandpa's been achroous ever since Nancy's party.

Bill Connell said...


Peter is acting as an accomplice. He is helping mother with her plan for grandma.

Stacey said...


Billy is handing out samples of his new recipe; chocolate "surprise" cookies :)

Ardeet said...


Cameron will help another old lady home. He will know where she lives too.

Harrod said...

Gram-Gram is delusional. She thinks she is not in the facility.

KennyG said...

Carry means to transport something.
Billy warms up by carrying the basket. That will make transporting his surprise entertainment to the camp out easier.

Unknown said...


Grandma promised not to steal anymore.

Stealing is bad.

But Grandma had some unfinished business at her old correctional facility.

Anonymous said...


Grandma's disguise seems to be working. Her real self won't be revealed until Nigel is behind the basement door.
Boy Scout and pusseycat stew tonight - yummy.

Mudwig said...


He is scamming the lady.
Old ladies are the easiest to trick.

Unknown said...

Today's word is "marketing."
Tommy is selling sweets outside of a bakery. There is a fruit stand close by. Mrs. Walker has already done her shopping. Tommy does not understand marketing. Tommy needs to learn how to market his merchandise.

Unknown said...

1. assist

When we assist we are of service to smb.
George assists ladies at daytime.
Ladies assist George at night.

2. believe

George believes he helps aunt Laura of his own free will.
He is very confident about this.
Aunt Laura's such a great handler, she can train anyone.

Darren Baker said...

You kids think you invented sex. What if I told you it was your sweet old grandmother who invented the squeezer?

Unknown said...


Grandma is making an exchange.
She is trading her money for the young man's pills.

Lisa Zucker said...


The old woman wants to trade her groceries for the boy scout's basket of goodies. The boy scout wants to trade his cat for the old woman. Old women and boy scouts are society's outliers.

Anonymous said...


Kevin sees the waxy brown moles on Mrs. Nelson's hands. There are many moles. Kevin smells urine. Kevin feels deep satisfaction knowing that he is twelve and Mrs. Nelson is almost dead.

ADAM K said...

I know it's late but ...


The burn victim was dressed as a boy scout so as not to repulse potential customers, like kind old Mrs. Winterrowd.

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